The transfer window is a wonderful thing.
It’s one of the most exciting times of every season for fans, who hope they’ll be able to get the next big thing on the back of their team’s shirt, but as each year has gone we’ve seen transfer fees go through the roof.
Paris Saint-Germain have signed both the most expensive player of all time and the 100th, as well as a few more in between, but where exactly do the Parisians rank when it comes to how much a club has spent on the most expensive players ever?
Well, why don’t we find out and hopefully have a little laugh along the way too…
23. AC Milan
Total Spend: €42m
Most Expensive Signing: Leonardo Bonucci
Even as one of European football’s most successful teams, Milan have only spent enough to feature on this list on one occasion.
And it was to sign Leonardo Bonucci too, so the less said about this one, the better…
22. VfL Wolfsburg
Total Spend: €43m
Most Expensive Signing: Julian Draxler
Just like with Bonucci at Milan, Julian Draxler’s 18-month spell at Wolfsburg was quite forgettable, although to this day he’s still the 89th most expensive player of all time.
21. Newcastle United
Total Spend: €44m
Most Expensive Signing: Joelinton
Talking about signings to forget…
20. Leicester City
Total Spend: €45m
Most Expensive Signing: Youri Tielemans
Leicester City had to pay out the nose to land Youri Tielemans on a permanent basis, but it certainly looks like it will all be worth it in the long run.
Total Spend: €49.4m
Most Expensive Signing: Gylfi Sigurdsson
Gylfi Sigurdsson’s transfer fee was the equivalent of roughly 3,708,090 kg of Walkers English Creamy Toffee on Amazon.
We’ll let you decide what’s a better deal.
18. JS Suning
Total Spend: €50m
Most Expensive Signing: Alex Teixeira
Does anyone else miss the days when Chinese Super League clubs would pay ridiculous transfer fees for distinctly average football players?
17. Tottenham Hotspur
Total Spend: €60m
Most Expensive Signing: Tanguy Ndombele
There isn’t a person on planet earth who, if they could, wouldn’t spent €60m just to p*** off José Mourinho.
16. Bayern Munich
Total Spend: €80m
Most Expensive Signing: Lucas Hernandez
There’s something about a team’s club-record signing being a left back which just doesn’t sit right with us.
15. Guangzhou Evergrande
Total Spend: €84m
Most Expensive Signing: Paulinho
14. AS Monaco
Total Spend: €88m
Most Expensive Signing: James Rodriguez
How’s that re-build going, Dmitry Rybolovlev?
13. SS Lazio
Total Spend: €104.81m
Most Expensive Signing: Hernán Crespo
It doesn’t matter how much money Lazio ever spend as the Irriducibili ultras will always steal the show, for better or, more likely, for worse.
Total Spend: €111.48m
Most Expensive Signing: Romelu Lukaku
11. Shanghai SIPG
Total Spend: €115.8m
Most Expensive Signing: Oscar
Shanghai SIPG have a front three of Marko Arnautović, Hulk and Oscar.
Total Spend: €331.25m
Most Expensive Signing: Nicolas Pepe
Granit Xhaka is the 80th most expensive player of all time.
Total Spend: €340.65m
Most Expensive Signing: Virgil van Dijk
Liverpool’s current crop is one of the best teams the Premier League has ever seen.
But, at the time of writing at least, they’ve never actually won the Premier League title.
And even Blackburn Rovers have won it.
Total Spend: €345.38m
Most Expensive Signing: Cristiano Ronaldo
Juventus only sign some of the most expensive players of all time or free agents.
There’s no in between.
7. Atlético Madrid
Total Spend: €372m
Most Expensive Signing: João Félix
Right, don’t laugh, but Atléti’s four most expensive signings of all time are João Félix, Thomas Lemar, Diego Costa and Álvaro Morata.
Hey, we said don’t laugh!
Total Spend: €414.38m
Most Expensive Signing: Kepa Arrizabalaga
Chelsea just shouldn’t be allowed to spend money at all, should they?
5. Paris Saint-Germain
Total Spend: €628m
Most Expensive Signing: Neymar
Even after signing the two most expensive players ever, Paris Saint-Germain are only fifth..
Total Spend: €704.42m
Most Expensive Signing: Philippe Coutinho
All that money and no one even comes close to a little Argentine who signed his first (albeit incredibly unofficial) contract on a napkin.
3. Manchester United
Total Spend: €758.73m
Most Expensive Signing: Paul Pogba
Sir Alex Ferguson won the title with Adnan Januzaj, Nick Powell, Tom Cleverley and Alexander Büttner.
You’re really starting to run out of excuses here, Paul. #TeamSouness
2. Manchester City
Total Spend: €807.8m
Most Expensive Signing: Kevin De Bruyne
Manchester City will tell you they did have a history before being taken over just over a decade ago.
We’re not convinced though.
1. Real Madrid
Total Spend: €867.5m
Most Expensive Signing: Gareth Bale
The Santiago Bernabéu.
The only place on planet earth where how high someone’s transfer fee is directly relates to how much abuse they get on any given matchday.